The Grass is always greener...or whiter...

So... tonight I was talking... or at least listening to a conversation about the MTV show "My Super Sweet Sixteen" it is not such a super show, unless you are in the mood to be completely disgusted by the frivolity of some people who seem to have everything. The show, if you are lucky enough to have never seen it, is about kids turning 16 and the parties that their abundantly rich parents throw for them. One of the people in the conversation told of an episode where the parents tell their daughter that they bought her a used BMW for her birthday... and the girl is angry, sad... pissed off. Well, they were only joking... they actually bought her a new BMW... which changes her mood. Sure she is happy, but what is really disgusting to me is that she thinks that she deserves it. Now I don't know about you... but kids in my neighborhood growing up were lucky to get a new BMX for their birthday... my first car was a 1985 Buick LeSabre... green... her name was Betsy. I am pretty sure that my grandparents bought Betsy brand new in 1985 and it was passed down from one brother to the next then to me in the family.

Anyway... I am not talking about cars. What I am talking about is our "natural" tendency to believe that we deserve things... that we are entitled to certain things in life. When High School was ending for me it really wasn't a question as to IF I was going to college it was WHERE. Why? There are so many people in this country... this city... my high school that were never going to go to college... either because they somehow fell through the cracks of our education system or because they just couldn't afford it. There are so many people who see finishing high school as the greatest accomplishment of their life.

I have now seen the movie Freedom Writers three times... and I would go again with anyone who wants to go. It is definitely not the best movie ever made, it may not even be one of the best of the year, but something about it has touched me. It is the story of a group of High Schoolers in Long Beach, CA following the Rodney King riots. It begins Freshman Year 1994 (which incidently is the same year I was a freshman). I think what strikes me the most about this movie is discovering who I identify with in this movie. I like to identify with the hero, the lover or the comedian who everyone likes... in this movie I found myself identifying with the characters who by the end of the movie you grow to be disgusted with.

The heros in this movie are the students. The teacher plays an important role, she listens, learns and helps these youth grow into strong confident adults. There is a Vice Principal and another teacher who play the roles of traditional antagonists. They create roadblocks and walls for the class to climb over. Finally there is the husband who has a line where he says "I just want to go about living my life without feeling bad about it." This is who I so often identify with. By the end of the movie I realized that I could use a little shake up in my life. Something to take my worldview and mess it all up so that I can see clearly the simplicity. The simple fact that we are all humans and I am no more entitled to anything than anyone else. A girl in the movie, Eva, talks about respect in so far as "white people" think they deserve respect just because they are white. And they can do anything they want just because they're white. We may look at this and say, "wow... she really doesn't get that being white doesn't get you everything" because we know from experience that we have our hurdles to jump over... but that is not the point. When was the last time that you looked at yourself and really thought about the privileges that you take advantage of due to the color of your skin. Really... look... when you go to church, do most of the people look like you? Can you walk into a fancy hotel without people staring? When you put a bandaid on your skin does it match the color for the most part? Do you have to shop in a different aisle at Target for your shampoo and hair products?

Some of these examples may not seem too big of a deal, but there are so many ways that we take advantage of a priviledge that we did not earn, but is afforded us due to the color of our skin. We live in a world that says that white kids are entitled to a better education. Not because kids at the same school of a different color don't get the same opportunities but because in areas with higher percentages of other races, the schools do not provide the same education. Please, if you are offended, don't turn off and stop reading... but look into your offense and see if there is any truth. One of the characters in the movie was a young black teenager who was in the "distinguished honors" class. She transfers to the other class because she is sick of being treated like the novelty... "the black girl with a brain." When we point out the people like Barak Obama, Colin Powell, Oprah, and other prominent and intelligent black leaders, and we point them out as the wonder kids who made it against all odds... sure it makes us feel good. We think, if they can make it, we must be doing something right. But what does that do? Are we just pointing out the successful men and women of color to show that they are the "black kids with a brain?"

The point is that we look at the affluent, rich kids from My Super Sweet Sixteen and think how disgusting their frivolousness is and how we have a much harder life with mortgages and paying for hockey equipment and balancing school, work and friends, and budgeting enough to pay for that Disney vacation and dealing with gas prices that keep getting hiked up so it costs $50 to fill the tank of our SUVs. We put money away into savings so that in a few years we can take that trip to Europe or put a down payment on a new house. We have it hard. Then think about the person who juggles 3 jobs to pay for the 2 bedroom apartment and fill 6 mouths. The person whose son deals drugs to bring home some more money for the family. The person who buys a gun to protect their family from gang violence or joins a gang to have protection from others. The person who has never left Wisconsin, never seen DisneyWorld, doesn't even dream about visiting Europe because it will never happen.

Yes... we are a priviledged culture. A poignant part of this movie was when a kid drew a picture of one of the black students with big fat lips. The teacher gives them a lecture about the holocaust (which most of the students had never heard of before) and tells them of the nazi tactic of creating ads against jews with big noses. They say that they think they will get respect when they die protecting their own... Yet, she says, when they die they will rot in the ground and everyone will go on living. When they die, she says, no one will remember them because all they left behind was hate. This is really not any different from us. When we die, life will go on... what will you be remembered for... will it be your fancy clothes, your nice car... your apathetic attitude towards authority and towards life?? We are all dust and to dust we shall return... What can we hope to be remembered for?

Pastor Rod said in his sermon this morning that the very best compliment we can hope to receive is that we have an excellent spirit, that we have integrity. The best we can hope to be remembered by is that we lived our life in love and others around us saw God's love thru us. And believe me... not a single one of us is entitled to God's love. We are broken, dirty, messy and sinful... We screw up everyday and we blatantly ignore our call to be people of God... no none of us are entitled to this gift of God's grace... We don't deserve it. But God loves His creation so much that He would die to make us new. If you want to be remembered for something it would be to humbly accept this invitation to be in relationship with God and to wholly give yourself to His service so that people will remember that you showed them Christ through your words... through your actions... through your love.

OK... don't think too hard... this is really not a deep thought, just a good laugh. BUT... wouldn't it be great if Steve Jobs really could offer eternal life with the iPhone. Yeah... that's a lot easier than this whole loving our neighbor thing.

The deep thought that could go along with this video: "Think about what you couldn't live without... about what you put your trust in... let's hope its not your blackberry, iPod, cell phone, or PC..."

Homosexuality in the Church (in response to Reinke's respectalliteration.blogspot.com)

I wanted to confess to you... I gossip about people who consider me their friend, behind their backs. I swear and have taken God's name in vain... yes the G-D has escaped my lips. I have been drunk many times. I do not do what I ought to show God's love. Should I go on... or is it already too much information? Trust me... these are not easy things to say, especially to an audience of my peers in the church and those who look to me as a leader in the church. However, I think that this is the first step in looking at the messy topic of homosexuality in the church.
Far too often people are arguing for or against homosexuality by quoting and arguing about the biblical witness. We look to scientists to give us answers as to whether homosexuality is a choice or a genetic trait. Many who are "pro-homosexuality in the church" want to prove that there is nothing "wrong" with the lifestyle of these individuals. On the other hand many who are "anti-homosexuality" want to prove that their lifestyles are sinful, "wrong" and not worthy of the grace and love of Jesus Christ as long as they live in sin.
Now believe me I can quote just as many scripture passages as anyone that supports the claim that homosexuality is a sin, according to scripture an "abomination." I can also make arguments that each one of those passages are meant to be read as part of a whole message that tells the story of all people living in sin and all people in need of salvation. The problem with this attitude is that whichever "side" of the issue I take, that is how I am looking at the scripture.
We, the church, must re-learn to take the side of Jesus, and not sides in an issue. And... it seems clear to me that Jesus was on the side of love, mercy, grace, justice, truth and hope. God's justice and God's mercy are wrapped up in this crazy little thing called grace. Only it is no little thing. Grace is what makes life unfair. Grace is what makes all of those people around us who have sinned against us... Who are not as nice as us... Who don't come to church or volunteer as often as us... Grace makes these people beautiful in the eyes of God.
Jesus' side is that He would rather die a painful death on a cross than watch us live in sin and broken relationship with God. That He knew we can't do this on our own. Jesus said "let anyone among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her." When the adulterous woman was caught, Jesus showed mercy upon her because we ALL need mercy and forgiveness. However, I can't just end the conversation with the statement that we all need forgiveness, and we are all sinners... for Jesus did not leave it there. Jesus says to the woman "Go your way, and from now on do not sin again." There is mercy and forgiveness for the repentant heart, but the repentant heart wishes to change and not sin again.
So this leaves us with the dilemma... if homosexuality is a sin (as biblically it is)... and a homosexual person does not wish to refrain from practicing their sexuality... then how can they truly be repentant and a follower of Jesus? Well, I leave you with this... I began this blog with a confession. As Christians, the most we can do is to look within ourselves and confess our sin that we can own. Why are we always trying to point out the sins of others? Does this make our place in God's kingdom more secure? Does it help to build community in the church? I agree that we can be resposible for holding one another accountable in the church, but when accountablity turns to judgment, criticism and hate... our overzealous, jealous natures have turned our best intentions into sin.
If we could learn to lose control of the judgment of others and trust the creator and savior of the universe to judge creation, perhaps we could find a community that is based upon drawing one another into the purest, most selfless and true love we could ever imagine. Look in yourself, confess your sins, let go of the desire to confess the sin of your neighbor, trust God to be the judge and learn to love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul and strength... and love your neighbor as yourself. For this is what Christ has commanded.

Justification by Grace through Faith

I am pretty sure that one of the most beautiful things in the world is a fresh blanket of snow covering the earth. The shining crystal powder seems to have cleansing power to take a brown, seemingly dead world and coat it with its crisp beauty.

Besides my family, the thing I missed the most during my adventures in South Carolina has to be the seasons. Sure there were seasons there... An unbearable summer [side note: so that you understand that I am not exaggerating the unbearable heat, here is an example... Around 4:30 in the morning on summer I was in a taxi on my way to the airport... anticipating the flight that would take me home, my excitement was only heightened by the fact that the driver couldn't see through the window due to the condensation from the humidity] changing into a mildly balmy fall, a month or two with temperatures in the 30s followed by the short perfect weather of the spring. Add in the occasional hurricaine or tropical storm, along with the exciting snowfall... actually only a dusting... and you have the weather of South Carolina.

Needless to say it is good to be home. I may be singing a different tune after a few months of below zero wind chills, but for now... I am looking out my window at the sparkling coat of new snow, and feeling as though the whole world has been renewed. A professor at my seminary assigned for each of us to create a "stained glass" that explains what justification by grace through faith means. Stained glass windows are used as an artistic portrayl that is meant to point past itself to a spiritual truth, they tell stories... they invoke emotion... they explain religious truths. So, we were able to use other artistic mediums besides colored glass in order to explain justification by grace through faith alone. Some used music, others poetry... I chose to use photography.
Photography is one of my passions, I am not a expert photographer or even know what I am doing, but I really enjoy capturing life in a photo... and get easily proud of myself when a picture turns out great. When I looked at this photo, as well as staring at the roaring waterfall itself, I saw glorious power... I saw God. While thinking about this I tried to look again and again at this photo to try and figure out where I was in the picture. I would have loved to say I am in the mist and steam rising from the falls, in an attempt to be the one who brings the beauty of God gently into the world. But... no...

I thought, what if I am the building in the back... it doesn't fit in the picture of the beauty of nature... it watches from a distance the power of the falls, yet is not moved... and I really hoped this wasn't true. I realized that I am in the front of the frame in this picture, how could I have overlooked it? I am one of the dead sticks. Ok, now how is that better than the building? Well, these dead branches are part of what make this picture so beautiful... they are coated in same substance that rolls over the falls. That water has coated each branch so what you see is glistening ice, sparkling like diamonds. Furthermore, in the springtime, that ice melts into the branches bringing them to new life.

This is justification. We are broken, dead sticks. We have done nothing to deserve the gift of our new coating of ice, which makes us beautiful. When God sees us, thanks to the gift of Jesus, we are seen coated with Jesus' righteousness. And it is that same grace which nourishes us bringing new life.

The world is your oyster...

The neighborhood that I grew up in was in a word, charming. I lived in the white two story with the red door. Across the street and over one house was my friend Michelle, and five houses up the street lived my friend Chuck. They each had siblings the ages of my brother John. Our parents were all friends, wait... still are friends. In summers we'd play until it was too dark to see one another. And in winter we'd pummel each other with snowballs until we could no longer feel our fingers. Every year on the first day of school we'd gather outside and take pictures together... followed by the pictures of all of our new shoes pointing together in a circle. I learned early about community. I grew up raised by not just any ordinary village but one that taught me I can do anything I want.
My closest friends are people I met while growing up on that street... even to this day. Among them is a pharmacist, an architect, a firefighter, a law student, a med student, a nanny, a dancer, and one studying to be a teacher. What I am getting at is that we were always reminded by our village, our community, that we could do anything we wanted with our lives. And we have... we have followed dreams until they've become reality. Then we kept dreaming.
The world may be my oyster, but lately I have worried that my sense of entitlement has become narcissistic. Ok... now not necessarily like I feel that the world revolves around me. But you know what its like when you leave a job, school, community, and you sometimes expect that everything will either stay exactly the same... or at least fall apart a little bit with out you... but definitely not move forward without you. Well, that's sort of what I am talking about. What worries me even more is that it is not very often that people have to remind me that my life is making a difference... I think I know that... what worries me is the people who don't know that about themselves.
You may not know one of these people personally, but I am sure you have met one before. They are the people who did not have that village, that community... not even one person telling them that they can do anything that they want to. There is tragedy in this. Who are these people who don't know that they truly can do anything. They can follow dreams. And when they don't know that... do they just stop dreaming?
We are all children of God... we are entitled to life, love, even the pursuit of happyness. We... all of us. Yeah that means you... that means your neighbor... that means your enemy. If I wake up one morning and look back at whatever accomplishments I have... whatever degrees or publications or loves won... but I can't say that I have shared God's love... have I really accomplished anything at all? My narcissism goes out the window when I think about sharing God's love, because who am I to be entitled to that? I don't deserve it. But that's the thing about it... my neighbor, my enemy, even me... we are loved by God because of what God has done, not our accomplishments. No one is entitled to it... its a gift.

Who are you?

There really are only a few days left in 2006. Everyone knows that when you are a kid time goes so slowly. Like a road trip to our family cabin at age 12... sitting in my seat with my Walkman and headphones, desperately trying to remember not to sing out loud. When all of a sudden, Joey McIntyre from New Kids on the Block starts belting out "Please Don't Go Girl" and I lose control. It seems that almost simultaneously as the song escapes my lips I feel a jab in my arm and the headphones being ripped from my ears. It is of course my own fault, I should know better than to sing in a car with 14 year old and 16 year old brothers. And unfortunately for me, my mother agrees that it is my own fault. There is nothing as insensitive as asking a 12 year old girl to sit in silence for and hour and a half. These were the days that sped by like molasses. Nothing was done fast enough. We were never there yet. And I had two brothers who knew exactly how to push the buttons of their impatient and short tempered little sister.
Now you would think that 14 years later this young woman would have grown up and out of this stage of impatience and irritability. After all, days at 26 fly by so fast that we just want to dig our heels in the ground and skid along just to slow them down a bit. I know I would give anything for a slow-like-molasses day. Instead I look to upcoming High School reunions, wonder how someone who was in 8th grade when I graduated high school could possibly be in grad school now, and watch another brother start his 30th year on this earth.
2007 is almost here and I still remember watching Back to the Future in 1985, thinking that in 2015 we would be in flying cars and I would have a hover-board. The world has changed, my friends have changed... have I changed? I know that I have changed in a way. But there has to be something that never changes. I am still me...
In the fall of 1995, I began a class called World Civilizations with Mr. Bazan as my teacher. He began the class saying, "Who are you?" One student would say "I am Eric." Mr. Bazan would reply "I didn't ask your name, I asked who you are?" This would go on with people replying with things such as "I am a student" "I am a girl" "I am a football player" No one ever really gave an answer that seemed to satisfy the question. I think that I have an answer now... There is something that never changes. Something that I can't change about myself even if I want to. I am still me... But who am I? I am a child of God.

The Perfect Day...

Last night on TNT Johnson & Johnson aired the original movie "A Perfect Day" starring Rob Lowe and Christopher Lloyd. It was about a guy who wrote a book about his wife's struggle with losing her father to cancer and the day her father told her he was going to die. Well, long story short is that Rob Lowe's book becomes the number one book in the country and he loses himself in the fame, along with losing his family and friends. Well, Christopher Llyod keeps showing up in the oddest places and eventually tells Rob that he is going to die on Christmas Day. The rest of the movie is sort of like that song "live like you were dying." As it turns out Christopher Lloyd is not an angel with a message from God, but just another writer doing research on humanity when it learns it is dying, and Rob was a guinea pig. Regardless, how would you live if you knew you were going to die in a week, two weeks... a month. Would you live every day like it were the perfect day? What would the perfect day look like for you?
I say this because I think that I had the perfect day yesterday. My grandparents were coming to see my house and visit. Which meant really cleaning my house and not just shutting the doors to the dirty rooms. My mom came early and helped me finish the last of the cleaning (dusting and wiping off counters). Well, my grandma is like 95 years old and she has gotten into the habit of trying to give us stuff every time that we see her. Yesterday it was a bag of old stationary and cards. As I perused the pile of cards with fluffy kittens and flowers I saw that not only were some of them incredibly ugly, but also some of them were used. What was I going to do with used cards grandma!!?? Well, there it was, a white card that was addressed to my great aunt Dodo, well her name is actually Dora but that's another conversation all together. I had written her a note years ago thanking her for a gift she had given. It was signed... Your Sweetheart, Karen. She developed Alzheimers while I was in High School, even near the end when she couldn't remember my name she would sometimes call me her "sweetheart." I have been so lucky to have so many people in my life who have cared about me. And two of them came yesterday to see my house and to visit me and let me know that they love me.
In the evening I got to be the person to deliver gifts and food to families that the youth adopted through salvation army. The faces of the people I met last night were loving and grateful and kind. I received hope and joy. And I made 2 visits that showed that these families were loved...
"Dear Friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us."
(1 John: 4:11-12)
I have been given so much love, and I cannot just say thank you and go on with my day. I wish to give as much love as possible so that those around me can know God. Love is contagious. Love is free. It does not dress itself up or make itself over. Love is just the way it is. Love does not move on its own, but must be shown. My love is not better than your love, nor yours better than mine. Love never ends. God is Love. GOD SO LOVED... HE GAVE HIS SON TO DIE.
I pray to you to have a perfect day, filled with love, filled with God. So full that you can't help but give it to others.