Who are you?

There really are only a few days left in 2006. Everyone knows that when you are a kid time goes so slowly. Like a road trip to our family cabin at age 12... sitting in my seat with my Walkman and headphones, desperately trying to remember not to sing out loud. When all of a sudden, Joey McIntyre from New Kids on the Block starts belting out "Please Don't Go Girl" and I lose control. It seems that almost simultaneously as the song escapes my lips I feel a jab in my arm and the headphones being ripped from my ears. It is of course my own fault, I should know better than to sing in a car with 14 year old and 16 year old brothers. And unfortunately for me, my mother agrees that it is my own fault. There is nothing as insensitive as asking a 12 year old girl to sit in silence for and hour and a half. These were the days that sped by like molasses. Nothing was done fast enough. We were never there yet. And I had two brothers who knew exactly how to push the buttons of their impatient and short tempered little sister.
Now you would think that 14 years later this young woman would have grown up and out of this stage of impatience and irritability. After all, days at 26 fly by so fast that we just want to dig our heels in the ground and skid along just to slow them down a bit. I know I would give anything for a slow-like-molasses day. Instead I look to upcoming High School reunions, wonder how someone who was in 8th grade when I graduated high school could possibly be in grad school now, and watch another brother start his 30th year on this earth.
2007 is almost here and I still remember watching Back to the Future in 1985, thinking that in 2015 we would be in flying cars and I would have a hover-board. The world has changed, my friends have changed... have I changed? I know that I have changed in a way. But there has to be something that never changes. I am still me...
In the fall of 1995, I began a class called World Civilizations with Mr. Bazan as my teacher. He began the class saying, "Who are you?" One student would say "I am Eric." Mr. Bazan would reply "I didn't ask your name, I asked who you are?" This would go on with people replying with things such as "I am a student" "I am a girl" "I am a football player" No one ever really gave an answer that seemed to satisfy the question. I think that I have an answer now... There is something that never changes. Something that I can't change about myself even if I want to. I am still me... But who am I? I am a child of God.

The Perfect Day...

Last night on TNT Johnson & Johnson aired the original movie "A Perfect Day" starring Rob Lowe and Christopher Lloyd. It was about a guy who wrote a book about his wife's struggle with losing her father to cancer and the day her father told her he was going to die. Well, long story short is that Rob Lowe's book becomes the number one book in the country and he loses himself in the fame, along with losing his family and friends. Well, Christopher Llyod keeps showing up in the oddest places and eventually tells Rob that he is going to die on Christmas Day. The rest of the movie is sort of like that song "live like you were dying." As it turns out Christopher Lloyd is not an angel with a message from God, but just another writer doing research on humanity when it learns it is dying, and Rob was a guinea pig. Regardless, how would you live if you knew you were going to die in a week, two weeks... a month. Would you live every day like it were the perfect day? What would the perfect day look like for you?
I say this because I think that I had the perfect day yesterday. My grandparents were coming to see my house and visit. Which meant really cleaning my house and not just shutting the doors to the dirty rooms. My mom came early and helped me finish the last of the cleaning (dusting and wiping off counters). Well, my grandma is like 95 years old and she has gotten into the habit of trying to give us stuff every time that we see her. Yesterday it was a bag of old stationary and cards. As I perused the pile of cards with fluffy kittens and flowers I saw that not only were some of them incredibly ugly, but also some of them were used. What was I going to do with used cards grandma!!?? Well, there it was, a white card that was addressed to my great aunt Dodo, well her name is actually Dora but that's another conversation all together. I had written her a note years ago thanking her for a gift she had given. It was signed... Your Sweetheart, Karen. She developed Alzheimers while I was in High School, even near the end when she couldn't remember my name she would sometimes call me her "sweetheart." I have been so lucky to have so many people in my life who have cared about me. And two of them came yesterday to see my house and to visit me and let me know that they love me.
In the evening I got to be the person to deliver gifts and food to families that the youth adopted through salvation army. The faces of the people I met last night were loving and grateful and kind. I received hope and joy. And I made 2 visits that showed that these families were loved...
"Dear Friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us."
(1 John: 4:11-12)
I have been given so much love, and I cannot just say thank you and go on with my day. I wish to give as much love as possible so that those around me can know God. Love is contagious. Love is free. It does not dress itself up or make itself over. Love is just the way it is. Love does not move on its own, but must be shown. My love is not better than your love, nor yours better than mine. Love never ends. God is Love. GOD SO LOVED... HE GAVE HIS SON TO DIE.
I pray to you to have a perfect day, filled with love, filled with God. So full that you can't help but give it to others.

What makes Christmas Christmas?

When I was a kid, I loved Christmas. But then again what kid doesn't love Christmas. I loved to get up really early on a Saturday morning and drive out into the country to the Christmas Tree Farm. Then my brothers and I would run to look at every tree until, for the only time all year, we would agree... this was our tree! Then we'd take turns with the saw cutting away at the trunk and all carry it back to the parking lot where my Dad would throw the tree on top of our VW Van. When we got home there would be hot chocolate and cookies. We would string popcorn and cranberries to brighten up our tree. As we put the ornaments on the tree the stories would be told. About how John was born the day after Christmas and Dad wanted to stop by the church on the way to the hospital to turn off the Christmas lights. Or the ornament I made in kindegarten of a mouse out of a empty film cannister.
December 6th would come around and my brothers and I would creep out of bed and wake our parents as we ran downstairs to see what St. Nick had left in our stockings. After we were surrounded by toys and candy, we would reach into the toe of our stocking and pull out our oranges. As a family we'd eat our oranges along with our pancakes. Then off to school where I'd tell everyone what I got from St. Nick and they would look at me like I was from another planet. Afterall, most of the kids get their stockings on Dec. 25th, not on the 6th.
I loved Christmas, and I mourned its loss after the divorce in our family... with loud wailing and gnashing of teeth... if you don't believe me ask my brothers. So this begs the question... what makes Christmas Christmas?
For some it is giving gifts, for others eating a meal. For man,y Christmas is about gathering as a family. Christmas is at its heart a celebration of the birth of our Lord. It is the "MASS" of "CHRIST." When I think about what happens at the mass I remember what Christmas means to me: we gather as a family of God(the Body of Christ), we eat a meal together, and we remember the ultimate gift of God's Son. We are blessed to be a blessing to others, we are given love so that we may give love. So luckily, for people like me who love Christmas so much, the spirit of Christmas is celebrated all year, the giving of ourselves because of God's giving of the Son. The loving of our neighbors because God first loved us. The sharing in a meal, with family to celebrate the birth of Christ. And what's more... God invites us to become like a child and creep out of bed to see God's gifts of selfless love.

My first day on the blog...

Benadryl is one of the most amazing inventions. While clearing my head it has also made it foggy in a completely different way. I suppose that a bit of clouded judgement might make my first blog for The Deep a little interesting!
So speaking of clouded judgment... what is it that we blame for our clouded judgment when we are not taking benadryl? When we cheat, lie, steal, hate, lust... are we so stuck on making excuses for our actions or do we take responsibility, remembering our brokenness, and humbly repent asking for forgiveness. For that matter, what does it mean to be broken? Does it mean that we were created perfect and now now we are not perfect? Now... stay with me for a minute... If we, humans, were created perfect, and now we are less than perfect, wouldn't that mean that now we are less than human?
Lets try this on for size. We are not broken as individuals, but instead, we have broken our relationship with God. For our relationship is less than it was intended to be. We were intended to find our identity and wholeness in God. Because our relationship is broken we now look for our identity and wholeness in others. We desire affirmation and acceptance from our neighbors instead of being content with ourselves as God has created us. No wonder we struggle to compare ourselves and want to be better than others as opposed to loving and showing compassion towards others.
Lets remember this Christmas season what "sweet baby Jesus, layin' in the manger" represents; he is the God who became one of us, who walked and talked with us, who died for us... who saved us. Jesus is the good news that God is calling, God is nagging, God is jumping at the chance to restore that relationship. God selflessly wants us. Period. God wants us. If we could just stop making excuses for our clouded judgment and humbly repent (turn around), we could fall into the open arms of a loving, selfless Lord who wants us. Merry Christmas.